Why did almost everything everything work so perfectly like it did? Because Wonka KNEW these things were going to happen, because he PLANNED on them happening because the secret ingredient in his candy is people. Not only did the Oompa Loompas have pre written and rehearsed songs tailored to each child that was lost (they didn't get to use the one they had written for Charlie), but if you look closely when Augustus falls in the river, it looks an awful lot like Wonka actually nudged him in with his shin. Shortly thereafter, Mike gets shrunken down to the size of a sex toy (or the size of a candy bar) and gets escorted out with his mother, thus leaving only Charlie and Grandpa Joe left. When they arrive at the Wonkavision room, there are exactly five jumpsuits outside the door. They all board the Wonkamobile which has exactly five seats on it. Once they're back with the group, Veruca (who's an absolutely "rotten" piece of shit), falls down the garbage chute with her equally terrible father.Īt this point, there are four people left with Mr. She gets rolled out to be "squeezed" with her father in tow.Īfter that, Charlie and Grandpa Joe very nearly get eviscerated by the ceiling fan in the Fizzy Lifting Drinks room, but ultimately survive because they're men and belch constantly. Next, in the inventing room, chewing gum obsessed Violet eats the faulty Three Course Dinner gum, turning her into a giant blueberry. There are only eight seats, plus one for Wonka. Then the boat comes chugging out of the tunnel to pick everyone up. When they get to the main candy room (after signing waivers), the first thing that happens is fucking Augustus "falls" in the chocolate river and is sucked up a pipe (large enough for a child) while his mother is led out after Wonka happily admits that the pipe leads to the boiler room. That's ten people altogether, not including Mr. The five children show up at the factory, each with an adult in tow. That's what he says, but there's more behind it. Willy Wonka, in an effort to find an heir to the throne, sends out five golden tickets in his candy bars for random children to find. Let's examine Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for a minute, shall we? This theory only works with the original Gene Wilder film not the book and not the tragic Tim Burton remake, so keep that in mind. The sheriff sees this and hurries over and says, “Hey son, you can’t do that here.”Īnd the sheriff replies, “Because this is the punch line.” I’m not going to waste my money on that.” So the guy walks up and kicks the con artist squarely in the groin. After a long while, a guy steps up for his turn and sees the con artist’s face is a bloody pulp and thinks “He’s so beat up at this point, he probably can’t even feel anything anymore. Some people paying $5, $10, even $15 to get their licks in. Since the con artist used his image to wrong his victims, anyone can pay $1 to hit him in the face.Īfter a while there are two long lines for the criminals. He tells the people that the punishment should fit the crime so anyone can pay $1 to kick the rapist in the groin. The sheriff takes the criminals to the town square, handcuffs them posts and sets up shop. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “justice” from the townspeople. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. I mean, we DO hold the Guinness World Record for loudest crowd ever.Ī rapist and a con artist get arrested, the town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. We've seriously got some fucking die hard assholes here in KC for this team. Probably still nothing compared to KC Chiefs fans. And the Raiders fans are the ones with the worst reputation. Whoever he was with basically dragged him away. Then he got super ragey and started getting in my face and shit. And so I responded "You're just mad because nobody wants to suck your dick". The drunken guy looked at one of the Steelers fans and was like YOU SUCK HIS DICK LOLOLGAYLOL. And at the end of the game, these drunken trailer park looking mother fucker Browns fans started talking mad shit. There were two other Steelers fans right in front of us who we were talking to. That was the first time I was ever legitimately nervous at a football game. Two years ago, I had 50 yard line tickets, like 6 rows up.ĮXPENSIVE tickets, so you would think that would be enough to keep you safe from the crazies.
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